Wednesday, 4 April 2012

R = aspergers and relationships

R is for relationships  or rants

 Not really sure how to introduce this post, but thought I would explore how I have found living with other people who are autistic and how I veiw these from an Asperger’s mind.  But in a rough starting point, someone once said to me in special ed class at school that I should be friends with such and such as we are both autistic and therefore we would get along together as we share the same personality types etc.  but is really the case? Do autistics really get along well together?

Having lived with parents with AS and an Aunt with AS on separate occasions, their traits has made my life a living hell,  to the extent that I can only stay a max of two hours in my aunt’s house due to sensory overload and stress’s. But this is mainly due to smoking in the house and I can’t stand the smell of smoke and if you didn’t know her you’ll think her house is on fire it’s that bad. But I can’t constantly suit into other people’s ways and I get frustrated when people expect me two.  Especially when it comes down to food. I have to eat when I want to eat, I cannot be forced to eat and I cannot eat anything I don’t want to, if I try I get physically sick. My aunt eats at set times every day and gets very upset and angry if she doesn’t. [Part of the reason the trip to Disney land was a disaster as mentioned in a previous post]. I also can’t stand being told what to do and being pressured to do things in the home environment.  I.e. I do things in my own way at my own pace, my aunt, expect things to be done instantly and again get very aggressive and upset when they are not done. She also has an alternative sense of humour, otherwise known as a grade one b+++h at times, in this I mean she makes jokes at others expense and gets worst and worst till she gets an reaction at some sort, now this may not sound too bad but this is constant every time you talk to her and the things she says are very very offensive.  It’s like she actually enjoys sucking any enjoyment out of other people’s lives. [Again, Disney land!] And goes out of her way to wreck others enjoyments, e.g. she will complain loudly all the way through a doctor who episode I’m watching saying how much she doesn’t like it etc. and passing comments about the actors…. Or constantly passing comments about john barrowman… which is her constantly trying to get me to react for her own enjoyment…  interestingly I bumped into my uncle the other week and he passed this comment “if she wasn’t family we would have parted ways by now” and perhaps that’s true…

Now I know that paragraph sounds hard, and I know it properly not go down to well with everyone reading this, but I also demonstrate certain autistic traits in order to get the diagnosis, and in reality, the two of us together clash, badly. But I do try, I try and go out with her at least once a week, [always at times to suit her], I let her ring me every night and talk for at least 45 mins, every night.. well I listen… she talks. And I have learnt to ignore most of the comments she says, however difficult that may be.  I purposely do things such as go to john barrowman concerts [Blackpool here I come] without to prevent the opportunity for her to ruin the experience with me, and I have said that I am never going abroad with her again, the holiday was booked to suit her and we did exactly what she wanted and yet it still wasn’t good enough.   I like my own privacy very much as well. So I have purposely never got around to getting a spare key cut, and keep my doors looked at all times, otherwise she will [and does when the doors not locked] walk straight into my house unannounced, something I absolutely hate.   and over all, i love her, and i've come to accept all these traits as just being her, and i've learnt to smile and let things not affect me as much as they used to.

The point I am trying to make is that to me tolerance an acceptance of the condition is a complex subject, yes people can be aware of the condition and fully in support of raising awareness but when it comes down to the nitty gritty things are different, like I say to my aunt constantly, things sometimes need to be a two way street and compromises need to be made.  We are never going to get a perfect world where everything can go our own way, just as we ask others to accept us for who we are and the traits we display, we must accept others for who they are and accept that sometimes there is a limit on how much can be done…and although we all wish and hope for that perfect world, sometimes we need to accept that it will never happen,

If you have enjoyed this post, please check out the rest of the A-Z of asperger syndrome / autism HERE

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