Tuesday, 1 May 2012
I wish I didn't have asperger Syndrome.
This is a title that someone suggested that I take part in the flash blog on 30th April 2012. And I purposely decided not to post as part of this why? Well, I actually wish that I did not have Asperger’s / Autism. Most of the time I am quite happy with having as and All that it may bring, But sometimes, I do actually wish that I didn’t have it and that I was in fact “Normal”
Now I know to some people this is not the right thing to say or admit, but sometimes live isn’t all about being positive and there is nothing wrong with wishing things were different. And sometimes, like today, I do indeed wish things could be different.
Just like Neurotypical people sometimes wish that things could be difficult in their lives, like they could win the lottery, have a better job, want another child, want to live somewhere else, All people by their nature, wish and day dream what things could be like if they were differen
In work recently parents of a patient I was looking after were told of a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, and they were told to grieve, why? Because every parent hopes and expects that they will have the perfect healthy child, so to grieve for the loss of their hopes dreams and expectations, the loss of what could have been. Because now they have to develop new hopes and new dreams and expectations. A grief for what they never had but for what could have been.
So therefore as a person with the condition maybe I should also grieve for what could have been, maybe, just maybe I sometimes wish that I didn’t have this because then maybe I could make friends easier, and not be so lonely, maybe I could not be so obsessed by things to the point of distress if things as misplaced, maybe I would have ‘meltdown’ where I can see my world crashing down beside me, maybe I wouldn’t be bullied, BUT then maybe I wouldn’t be me.
And that’s the debate, would I be myself, still the same if I didn’t have Asperger syndrome. Or would I, at least personality wise be a completely different person. Because of Asperger’s being what it is, it has a great impact on a person’s personality and can in some ways, make them who they are. Which can also open up the debate? Am I a person with Autism or Am I an Autistic person?
Now don’t get me wrong that as it stands today, I fully accept the condition and all that it brings and yes I am actually quite happy with it and how life has turned out. And openly say that perhaps I wouldn’t be where I am today with the condition as I celebrate the positives and just try to ignore the bad side of things, after all there is nothing I can do to change things and I’m not sure that I would want to. There is hope for the further and Asperger’s and Autism can be seen as positive thing but the point I’m trying to make through this is, just because we can happy with what live has thrown us, does not mean we can’t wish that things can be different..
I’m going to leave this on a question for you to think about.
If there was a Cure, would you take it?